Suffering within;
Understanding pain;
Ideations & expectations;
Contemplating & debating;
If the struggles are even worth it;
Decisions undecided;
Everlasting silence.

                -Jelly

love

love..

what is love?

nobody could ever love me the way you do.

me and you..you and i…love..true.

what is this… who are you?

you say you love me, feel it when you hug me.

do you love me? when you beat me, you hold me.

third time cheating, your the one who told me.

want things how they use to be, just cant find the old me.

is it me or is it you?

gimme a second.

let me think this through.

how many times have i done this.

maybe one….maybe two.

vision thru my eyes, the blood is the disguise.

love me till you hate me.

abuse me and shake me.

love…. what is love?

a feeling that will N E V E R break me. <3

“My Friend”

Trying to find the words to define, to describe such beauty.

To elaborate the fine lines of what perfection looks like.

Amazingly perfect doesn’t come near to the description of the feelings rushing when she’s here.

No need to ask unasked questions, the happiness not only I but the whole world notices is the answer to the equation.

the equation where simple division can be easily multiplied and continuously added onto.

The overflow of happiness in something that doesn’t exist.

The sun is out today as if it didn’t rain yesterday rain like feelings, have dried up only to pour harder another day.

But every morning I awake, and they’re still there.

Months have passed and I slowly diminish.

Losing all feeling from from the waste up.

But the last thing I do is give up.

Because although in my mind being your friend is all a lie. I have never been happier, to just simply have you in my presence. A friendship that will never evolve to anything more.

And as I continue to lie I lie about friendship…

Because in my eyes you are NOT my friend.

I would never look at a friend the way I look at you.

Your perfection intimidates me, you have me wrapped around your fingers without knowing. I have not only fallen but I have attempted to get up and walk away but I have been bolted down to this ground for a reason that only God knows. & I shall lay here season after season.

I will live this lie until the end. I will guide you and protect you. Allow no one to hurt you.

I will be nothing but your friend.

And if you may never know, a secret. I will keep it.

You are my star in the sky. The reason I ask why. Forever I’ll be your friend. So for ever. I shall lie.

I love you.

jelly.

note: jan 7. 4:16 am

its as if the past didnt exist.

zero on memories to reminisce.

you’ve asked me to erase the past.

& that this was the last.

as i hear the blood rushing thru my heart.

my world has s h a t t e r e d, fallen apart.